Cornerstone Leadership Solutions: You Have Not, Because You Ask Not

By Nat Crawford

Let’s be honest with ourselves. We hate hearing the word “no.” We are often afraid of it. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem desperate, dumb, or ill-equipped. The feeling of rejection can be a painful experience. This makes sense since we desire for connection. Do you realize, when you do not ask, you are rejecting yourself!

In high school the brand “No Fear” was very popular. They had one shirt, I will not forget. It was a picture of a basketball hoop. Below the picture was the phrase “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” That is 100% true.

Part of my career was in insurance sales. Cold calling, warm calling, and sales pitches – they all scared me. I was so afraid of hearing “Nope! Not interested” or being asked a question I could not answer. Looking back this paralytic fear was silly. I read Frank Bettger’s book How I Raised Myself from Failure to Success in Selling. This book helped me overcome myself rejection and left it up to my clients. What was the result? I heard “yes” far more then “no.” In fact, I won the Career Life Success Award for my sales in my rookie year.

If you are stuck and don’t know how to ask for what you want, here are some simple tips:

Ask expecting the “yes.” It’s important to come at any task with a positive mindset.

Assume you are able. It’s silly to ask with the notion you are unable to receive it or accomplish it!

Ask a person who has the power to approve your request. Think carefully about the right people to talk to so you don’t waste time and energy.

Articulate what you want. Too often people are wishy-washy about their desires. They speak in vague terms. Don’t ask for more money at your job. Ask for what you need. “I need a $250 a month raise” is much better than “I need more money.”

Ask, Ask, Ask. Sometimes, persistence is best. Remember to vary how and when you ask. Don’t ask five times a day. Change the day, the time, the location, the economic environment, etc.