By Nat Crawford
I had the pleasure of attending a keynote address a couple of weeks ago on the topic of the power of influence. One of the key points was if you want to influence people, you need to be interested rather than interesting. It was entertaining to see the attendees eyes get big and heads started to nod. We've taught on this for years, yet people so often forget this simple principle.
So how do maintain interest rather than defaulting to becoming interesting? I suggest 4 steps to improve your communication.
Step #1 - Really Care
We've all heard it, and it remains true: No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care. When you care it creates an emotional connection. People remember you and your conversation because how you make them feel. It has very little with what you said. To connect with someone, discover what is important to that person and become interested in such a way they see it and feel it.
Step #2 - Listen Attentively
Listening is about learning and understanding. Some may disagree, but people don't necessarily want to be agreed with; however they do want to be heard. When you really care you hear and understand the facts of the content as well as the feelings behind them. It involves empathy. It is a challenge because it means you listening from their context and not your own.
Dr. Michael Frisina suggests the FOCUS technique to enhance your listening capacity.
- Focus on
the person. Set aside your agenda and your ego. Try to understand their perspective
and particular situation. Find out what is important to that person and make it
important to you
- Observe
verbal and non-verbal signals. Note the person’s facial expression, body
language, and tone of voice. Pay attention to what the person is saying.
- Clarify and
verify to make sure what you are hearing is what the other person is saying. Ask great questions. Stop occasionally and
summarize.
- Use body
language that says “I am listening and I care.” Maintain appropriate eye contact. Don’t fiddle
with your hands or with pens or pencils. Vary your body posture during the
discussion; sit up to signal alertness; lean forward to signal interest; sit back
to signal reflection and a relaxed attitude.
- Seek to
understand facts, feelings, and assumptions.
Step #3 - Articulate Your Message
Too often when we speak, we have taken the time to prepare. We fumble our words, go down bunny trails, and carry on without cause. If you want to communicate and articulate message, you need to do six things. Be prepared. Be precise. Know what to say and when to say it. Manage your emotions. Make sure words, your actions and your tone are in sync. Seek feedback and understanding of the message.
Step #4 - Flex to Your Recipient's Behavior Style
You will need to learn your behaviro style, its strengths and its weaknesses, as well as learn the styles of others. Your dominant behvior style is only appropriate 25% of the time. The remaining 75% requires you to flex to the other styles. To understand your style, the style of those whom you interact with, and how to effectively flex, take our assessment. Often misfires in communication are the result of ignorance in the areas of behavior style.
In sum, we all communicate and likely need to improve on our communication skills. A person of influence knows communication is a key component of collaboration. It is a driving force for a peak performing organization.
We want to know, do you currently have the behavior skills essential to being an effective communicator and creating a collaborative culture?
Labels: caring, collaboration, Communication, company culture, cornerstone leadership solutions, focus, influence, interested, Leadership, lincoln, listening, ne
